Pathways to You

The Gift of Self-Awareness

Christmas is right around the corner.   Have you decided what you want yet?  What about gifts for those you love? Have you already started shopping for them?  I have an idea: What if you gave a gift you already possess?  Something you have easy access to and doesn’t cost you anything?  What if that gift was YOU?  You – the best, healthiest and most flourishing version of yourself?  Believe me, this would be a present for everyone!

How do you tap into this gift?  The key is self-awareness.  To be self-aware is to know yourself fully and to understand what makes you think, feel and act the way you do.  Self-awareness is the opportunity to know yourself deeply and to recognize when things are not as they should be so that you can move toward the best You possible.

It is important because when we have a better understanding of ourselves, we are able to experience ourselves as unique and separate individuals. We are then empowered to make changes and to build on our areas of strength as well as identify areas where we would like to make improvements.

In his book, Emotional Intelligence (Why it can matter more than IQ), Daniel Goleman says: “Self-awareness is the key cornerstone to emotional intelligence. The ability to monitor our emotions and thoughts from moment to moment is key to understanding ourselves better, being at peace with who we are and proactively managing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.”

This where the Enneagram can be a valuable tool toward self-awareness and emotional intelligence.  It is a self-assessment that has been around for hundreds of years and used primarily by therapists and those in ministry.  It is gaining a lot of traction now because of a book entitled: The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile.  This book is a primer that simplifies the Enneagram and makes it assessible to regular folks like you and me.

The Enneagram (Ennea=9, Gram=Diagram) is simply a map (GPS) for self-discovery and personal growth based on 9 basic personality types.  It accurately and clearly describes why you think, feel and behave in particular ways based upon your core fears, core desires and core motivations.

The power of the Enneagram is in its ability to harness and transform self-limiting behaviors into life-enhancing personal empowerment.  The gift it offers is that through self-discovery (self-awareness), one can create and sustain meaningful and lasting relationships with others and themselves.

Here is a peek at the nine types.  Each of the types has a specific core fear, core desire and core motivation.  See if any of these resonate with you:

Type One-Reformer. 

Also known as the Perfectionistic Reformer.  Their focus is to make the world 'right' in their eyes. They are conscientious, principled and can be very purpose driven.  Their core desire is to be moralistic or to be good because their fear is of being wrong.  Their core motivation is to be perfect and make everything around them perfect.  They may get frustrated with themselves and others for not being able to achieve the same high standards that they do which can lead to resentment.

Type Two-Helper. 

Their focus is to take care of others needs in an effort to feel loved and accepted. They are generous, empathetic and can be very humble.  Their core desire is to connect with others as a way to be needed because they fear being unwanted.  Sometimes this can cause issues with them being unable to know what they, themselves need.  And they may struggle with pride believing that they alone have all the resources you need in that moment.

Type Three-Achiever. 

Also known as the Successful Performer.  To be perceived as successful in the eyes of others is their goal. They are assertive, like to be the best, and have a focus on winning.  Because they fear being a failure, they work hard to get the job done.  Their focus of attention is on what they feel you want them to be, which can lead to struggling to understand who they truly are.

Type Four-Individualist. 

They are artistic, with an eye for beauty, this type is highly attuned to their own emotions and that of others. They have the ability to feel deeply and are motivated by emotional connectedness with others. They are the consummate romantic and can retreat into their inner fantasy world.  The Individualist fears being plain so they desire to find their unique significance and may struggle with feeling that something important is missing in them.

Type Five-Investigator. 

With a passion for knowledge/ideas, and an ability to focus along with a keen intellect this type is a visionary, able to articulate whole new paradigms. They have also earned a reputation as the 'absent-minded' professor.  Their core desire is to be competent in all things which stems from a fear of being ignorant.  They tend to have a low amount of energy and therefore have learned to hold on to resources in order to get through their day, hoarding resources such as affection and emotions.

Type Six-Loyalist. 

Full of courage and the ability to stay the course, this type is trustworthy and self-reliant. When not filled with doubt they are very decisive and committed.  Because they fear danger and chaos, they are motivated by the need to be safe and secure.   This causes them to think through worst case scenarios in order to be prepared for the worst.  They may struggle with knowing the difference between true danger and discomfort, which makes them more anxious than others.

Type Seven-The Enthusiast. 

Also known as the Optimistic Enthusiast.  They are joyful, playful and spontaneous with a natural ability to savor the richness of the world. If not distracted or scattered, they have huge potential for accomplishment.  Their core motivation is to feel good at all costs because they fear feeling pain of any kind.  They have learned the art of re-framing which gives them the ability to see a silver lining in all things, in an effort to make everything appear better.

Type Eight-The Challenger. 

Intensity! They are self-determining, big-hearted and powerful. At times their need for control can be overwhelming. They are working constantly to protect themselves from others who may betray them or who may see their vulnerabilities.  They are natural born leaders who appreciate directness and truth.  But when they are direct, it may come across as anger because they are trying hard to cover up their tender side.

Type Nine-The Peacemaker. 

Peace and harmony is the driver for a Nine. At their best they are patient, unpretentious and have the ability to recognize the highest potential in others. Their core fear is of conflict, both within themselves and in others.  They are motivated by avoiding tension or discord in all things which may make them merge into other’s passions and desires instead of understanding their own.  They have the ability to see all sides of any situation.

Once you are able to determine what type you are, you may experience something like relief because you learn you are not the only one who feels like you do.  Or others say they feel exposed, like someone has read their journal.  Likely, what you will discover is that you are able to crack the code of YOU in a way that is specific to you. 

The beautiful gift of the Enneagram is that it doesn’t stop at telling you about your behavior like other personality assessments might.  It has movement and doesn’t allow you to stay stuck in old habits or patterns of thinking and behavior.  It clearly reveals what your actions may look like when you are in stress or in security.  The Enneagram also reveals how your type may behave if you are in a healthy, average or unhealthy place in life.  It also gives you language around your Enneagram type as well as clear paths toward growth so that you can begin recognizing certain things that have you living in auto-pilot.

When you know what your Enneagram type is and what your loved one’s type is, you have the ability to have more compassion and empathy for yourself and for one another.  Each personality type is like looking through a different colored lens.  Think how much easier it would be to get along with people at work or in your family if you knew what their core motivations or core fears were.  The Enneagram reveals those for each of the nine types and allows you to understand others in a more effective way. 

Life is a journey that we are all on together.  However, the person you spend the most time with on this life journey is you.  Wouldn’t it be great if you got to know that person intimately in order to enjoy your time with them?  I hope you will consider starting your own journey toward self-awareness as a gift to yourself and to others by using the Enneagram.  

If you decide to move forward, there are several paths you can take as you begin learning about the Enneagram.  Check out The Enneagram Institute at www.theenneagraminstitute.com or read The Road Back To You which I referenced earlier.  If you have more time and want to truly invest in yourself, hiring an Enneagram coach is also an option.  Whatever you decide to do, be sure to keep an open, compassionate mind and see what you learn.  As Ian Morgan Cron says:  “The Enneagram is a tool that teaches you who you were supposed to be before the world told you who you are.”  My hope is that you will find who you truly are and who you were meant to be as a gift to yourself and your loved ones.